Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Don't Reject Yourself

Yesterday's conversation on fear was fantastic. If you are thinking you are the only one who feels fear, go and take a look at the comments. You and I are definitely not alone.

This topic was on my mind through the whole day. Funnily enough, a message with the title "Your Fears are Lies" appeared in my inbox later in the day. I'm on a list for fear.less magazine, which periodically sends out notes about overcoming fear, in addition to the free online magazine they publish "to show people they're not alone in their fear." The message was a perfect continuation of what I started writing about yesterday, highlighting some of the same points and adding others. If you want ongoing encouragement to overcome your fear, you can subscribe to the fear.less free online magazine and the emails here.

Later in the day, I also had a conversation with my husband about how we "pre-reject" ourselves. Here's the scenario:
1. We see something we want to do or have an idea and want to propose it somewhere.
2. We think about asking or proposing and the little voice in our head starts talking. It says, "They will just say no."
3. We are so afraid of rejection, we don't want to hear a "no," so we don't ask.
Guess what! No one else had to reject us in this scenario. We did it for them!

Have you ever done this? I have. So, so many times. I'm starting to realize that I should let someone else say yes or no, not decide for them. Some of the time, when you put a question or proposal out there, the answer is no. Sometimes the answer is a big, blank void. That's almost worse, to my mind. But sometimes, the answer is yes.

The only way you can get an answer of "yes" is to actually ask the question, send the proposal, submit your work. You open yourself up for rejection, but you also open yourself up for success. No one is going to come  knocking at your door or in your email inbox asking for this wonderful idea, because they don't even know it exists until you put it out there.

Think on this. Look for times when you don't even give others the chance to reject you, because you are rejecting yourself. When that happens, take a deep breath, put yourself out there and let them make the decision. Who knows, the answer might just be "yes."

Photo is from Murten, Switzerland.


  1. Think this is exactly right - we reject ourselves so that others don't have the chance to ! Good follow on to the post about fear ! I think it is a muscle you can exercise, just by repeatedly breaking through the resistance time after time . Starting with small easy things and building up to the scary huge ones...It is good to remind ourselves that we are not the only ones thinking this way.

  2. This one is really tough and one we need to constantly watch out for. Sometimes, when we do this to ourselves, we think we're being sensible or realistic or whatever other 'suitable' excuse we can find for it so it can be really difficult to understand what we're actually doing to ourselves.
    Sadly, I'm all too familiar with this and I've been trying to work really hard at ending this silly 'practice' and letting others make up their mind if they like what I've got to offer or not.

  3. Thanks Kat for this, it's great that we can have this follow-on conversation, also for the link, giving each other support is just the best way of blogging as far as I'm concerned. It seems funny that when you step outside of your comfort zone and commit to something you may actually find yourself being surprised at how the universe jumps to support you!

  4. Totally. You're never going to win the lottery if you never bother to buy a ticket.
    xx tj

  5. Yes...wonderfully inspiring comments. It's always good to know that I'm not alone. And - I like the acronym False Expectations Appearing Real. F.E.A.R.!!!

  6. So true Kat. I feel sometimes that I have lost so much energy dreaming and not doing. Yesterday I finished a teleseminar with Paul Brent and he ended it with this words" "If you don't implement what you learn nothing will happen" and I can add "if you have fear to implement what you learn..then do it". By the way have you checked Tara Reeds blog. She has everything you need to learn about licensing and agents and much more. I am learning a lot..A LOT. in my Friday post I added her URL. And I wish I could have some of your photos in greeting cards..they will look amazing!

  7. Great advice. I tend to leave well enough alone and just not go to that place where rejection lurks. I need to be more positive. Thanks for this post. :)


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