Tied up in Knots

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

-- Anna Quindlen

I was surprised by the response to yesterday's post. It seems that many of us feel that we are the loner much of the time, different and outside of normal. I thought it was just me. It is ironic that we may feel excluded by our differences, yet in our feelings we are experiencing the same thing.

My current morning reading, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown, speaks to the universal human desire for love and belonging. We want to be in the bucket, with the other flowers. The irony, she points out, is that we often strive to achieve love and belonging by fitting in and "hustling for worthiness" and acceptance. When we strive to fit in, acting like we think others want us to act, we no longer honor our authentic selves and we short circuit any true connection. She says, "... To fully experience love and belonging, we must believe we are worthy of love and belonging."

In the light of that lone flower, we must each embrace our own differences and take them to heart. Stand alone with confidence in our own value and worthiness. When we say, "Here I am, with all of my quirks and differences, take it or leave it," we are accepting ourselves as we are. From that grounded place, when we reach out to others and feel a connection, the connection is real. It is whole. It is sustainable, because there are no pretenses to keep up.

Have you ever tried to keep up pretenses in a situation? Yeah, it ties you up in knots. After a while, you don't know which direction you are going. You don't know where you are, in the midst of it all. It's not sustainable.

I'm learning, again and again, how important it is to occasionally stand alone, in order to be myself. Whether it is in my art, sharing the photographs I love regardless of technical perfection or perceived photographic ideals, in my relationships, being honest about who I am and what I need, or even at my corporate job, sharing an opinion that may be contrary to the group, I have found the result of standing alone and embracing my differences is true connection. Instead of connection built on the unstable ground of insecurity, it is connection grounded in confident stability.

When I value myself for who I am, others value me too. Go figure.

To all of you who identified with that less-than-perfect lone flower I say: Congratulations. All you need to do now is untangle the knots and stand tall, confident in your uniqueness. Not an easy process, I know from ongoing experience, but so worth it. The reward I have found is connection, with people who are equally as unique, like you.

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What's going on around Kat Eye Studio...

• Did you recognize today's photo as a triadic variation? The current Exploring with a Camera theme is The Color Wheel: Part 2. Check out the post and join in the exploration.
• Are you ready to get your camera off of full auto and see what you can create? Registration is open for Digital Photography Basics! Class starts October 16. Visit here for the details.
• Want to know what's going on in the studio? You can subscribe to the Kat Eye News to stay up-to-date on all the happenings.

A New Day, A New Outlook

A new day has dawned, and my outlook has changed from fearful to ready to take on the world. Thank you all for the support and encouragement provided on yesterday's post! It's good to know that I am not alone, when those attacks of fear come along. So much wisdom and encouragement was shared yesterday, and I know it was meant for more than just me. The comments were filled with messages that we can all take to heart.

Here are just a few:

Diana said... I agree that fearlessness has to keep being relearned. (for me, too) Taking small steps takes energy and letting fear take over halts any progress forward.

Cheryl said... Fear does paralyze and then we begin to fade. Fortunately, we can reverse the fading and renew ourselves. New chapters in life mean new challenges and that is a wonderful process.

Gina said... Yep, you hit a chord here....being fearful is something we all have to fight. It does get easier as you age because you realize you want to make the most of the time left. Better to take the risk than live with regret. 

Gilly said... I think we all feel fear a lot of the time and about a lot of things, and we have this idea that there are all these successful, competent people out there who never feel that way. It isn't true, of course, but often the scariest thing is simply to allow ourselves to be who we really are.

There are so many more too! You can read all of the comments here. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends online!

Today though, a break from crab pots! Even I, with my current love for them, can't do three days in a row. I also found inspiration in this view of a fishing boat in Newport, capturing the reflected light, color and lines of the nautical world. While the paint was fresh and clean, the boat couldn't hide the evidence of the effects of the sea. Textures abound. That's my eye!

Do you know your eye? Find Your Eye registration is now open for the September-October series, if you want to find out. I think opening registration today has influenced my outlook for the better as well - I'm so excited to do this again! I am having so much fun with the current series going on right now.

Learning for today: Excitement and fun are great ways to overcome fear too.

Afraid... We Fade

When did we, when did we get so careful?

When did we, when did we lose ourselves?

Afraid... we fade.

We fade out.

-- Matt Nathanson in his song "Love Comes Tumbling Down"

This quote is from the bridge in my favorite song off Matt Nathanson's new album, Modern Love. These words have just stuck with me... "Afraid... we fade." 


So true, isn't it? When we are afraid of something, we shrink back. Hide. We stick to the tried and true, which over time becomes the boring and predictable. And we slowly, bit by bit, disappear.

As I've worked through some of my feelings around moving back to Oregon, photography, creative inspiration and blogging, I've realized I've been afraid. Afraid I wouldn't find photographic inspiration. Afraid I would lose my stream of creative ideas. Afraid I wouldn't have anything interesting to write or show. Afraid I would lose my blog readers.

So today as I debated on whether or not to post another crab pot photo, as I heard in my head, "Who would want to see another photo of crab pots," this song reminded me to just get over my silly fears and get on with it. Do what I love, write and share what interests me, as I always have. When did I get so careful? Why is this so hard? I seem to have to re-learn this concept over and over again.


"Afraid... we fade. We fade out." 

Deeper than the Eye

The heart sees deeper than the eye.
- Found on my Yogi tea bag Friday

Inspiration... sometimes elusive, other times abundant. As a creative person, I'm always aware of my sources of inspiration. It comes from the reading I do, the playing in my craft. It comes from exploring the world around me. Inspiration is everywhere.

Let me repeat: Inspiration is everywhere.

This weekend, inspiration was found in crab pots sitting along the bayfront in the coastal town of Newport, Oregon. Aren't the colors and textures just amazing? I spent quite a while exploring the crab pots with my camera. A few years ago I took one picture of a stack of pots in this town, and for some reason that image popped into my head before my excursion. I was on the hunt for crab pots.

During my hunt I found a number of other things... some interesting texture, brought on by the salt water and proximity of the ocean. I found interesting colors, from the quaint buildings to the stacks of containers in the fish processing warehouses. I found interesting contrasts, in the people working in the processing plants in their rubber boots and the tourists in their flip flops. I found inspiration in the process of taking pictures, with three new Exploring with a Camera ideas coming to me. Thank goodness for my little notebook and pen, always with me in my camera bag.

Most of all, I found a deeper truth, finally understood with my heart instead of just my head. My inspiration comes from the process of creating my art. It is found when I am out and about, hunting for photos. Seeing the world through my viewfinder and lens. Translating something that just catches me out of the corner of my eye into something that is beautifully presented. It is the process of photography -- of exploring, capturing and then making those little tweaks in post-processing to perfect an image -- that matters to me. It is the process of creating that is the whole point to all of this artistic stuff. Sitting at home, inspiration doesn't come for me. It takes getting out and doing.

For some reason, a year ago or more, I had this idea that I would move back to Oregon and still share mostly photos of Europe on my blog. I have gazillions of photos from my two years of living in Italy on my hard drive - many unedited and just crying out for review. Who knows, I might even have ones I like better than my favorites hidden in the folders. So I've had this idea stuck in my head, that's what I would do... Edit my photos from the last two years and continue share them here. For some reason, I thought it was Italy and Europe that was inspiring me photographically, and that just the sharing of the images would be inspiration enough to carry me a good long while.

Not true. I know now: It's the creative process itself that inspires me. What living temporarily in Italy did was get me out regularly with my camera, to new places. It exposed me to new and different things. It got me out and doing. It got me writing and sharing. Trying new things, like painting. Once I was doing all of that, the rest took care of itself.

Inspiration is everywhere I go, because it's found within me. 

That lesson, learned with my heart this weekend, may be the most important one I've learned to date. I hope you can take it to heart too.

Linking in to Creative Exchange and Creative Every Day today.

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

99 bottles of beer...
You take one down,
pass it around,
98 bottles of beer on the wall.

Good luck getting that one out of your brain now! Another visit to the Rogue brewery in Newport, home of Brewer's on the Bay restaurant and the best beer cheese soup EVER!

Spring!

There are signs of spring here in Oregon, like this gorgeous barrel of daffodils at the Rogue brewery in Newport. Unlike our home in Italy where it's still been cold and frosty, it was beautifully clear and sunny in Oregon last week. I love seeing these signs of spring, Oregon has such a long and colorful spring. It will be interesting to see what it's like for us in Vedano... when it starts!