So Far Away

I've been thinking a bit more about Italy lately. Missing it a bit more. I'm happy to be back, it's been a whirlwind of moving and excitement. It is good to be back, so good, but there are still things that I miss. I miss my walks in Parco di Monza. I miss the idea of Venice being three hours away. I miss being in the same time zone as my European friends, or even a time zone that I could easily chat online with my East Coast friends. Pacific Standard Time seems like it is at the edge of the world.

I'm finishing Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Gift from the Sea right now. A beautiful, short book, full of much wisdom. I was reading it in Italy, but it got lost in the shuffle of moving. On going from her island writing retreat back to her life in Connecticut, she writes:

For the natural selectivity of the island I will have to substitute a conscious selectivity based on another sense of values--a sense of values I have become more aware of here.

I feel like that's what I've done with my time in Italy, found a set of values that guide my creative life. Distilled them down and brought them back. It's worked well.

For all that planning, it can never change the physical difference. It doesn't change the yearning I feel when I look at photos from my time in Italy. These feelings are something that probably only time and space will help with. Nothing can diminish the personal changes that I made while in Italy, but that only helps so far on a day when I realize I'm now living far, far away.


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What's going on around The Kat Eye View of the World...

• The current Exploring with a Camera theme is Process of Elimination. Today is the last day to share! Check out the post and explore with us. 
• Do you want to deepen the connection between your heart and soul and your photography? Registration for the fall series of the Find Your Eye e-course is open! Visit here for more info.
• You can subscribe to the Kat Eye News to stay up-to-date on all the happenings.

Fascinations

There are a few surprising things that I have found interesting to capture since returning back to the USA. Newspaper boxes, mailboxes and parking meters. Lovely parking meters, like this set, all by themselves. Or parking meters with something else, like my scooter. I didn't see these beauties in Italy, there was usually a box where you would pay down the street and print a receipt. That was boring. These are interesting.

The real voyage of discovery consists of not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. 

-- Marcel Proust

Linking in to Texture Tuesday today. Here's the recipe I used:

- First, adjusted levels and converted to sepia tone.

- Next, added Kim Klassen's crackerjack texture, blended with soft light at 88%.

- Erased this layer over the parking meters.

- Finally, added the crackerjack texture again, rotating 180 degrees. Blended with soft light at 48%.




_________________________
What's going on around The Kat Eye View of the World...

• The current Exploring with a Camera theme is Process of Elimination. Check out the post and explore with us.
• Do you want to deepen the connection between your heart and soul and your photography? Registration for the fall series of the Find Your Eye e-course is open! Visit here for more info.
• You can subscribe to the Kat Eye News to stay up-to-date on all the happenings.

Afraid... We Fade

When did we, when did we get so careful?

When did we, when did we lose ourselves?

Afraid... we fade.

We fade out.

-- Matt Nathanson in his song "Love Comes Tumbling Down"

This quote is from the bridge in my favorite song off Matt Nathanson's new album, Modern Love. These words have just stuck with me... "Afraid... we fade." 


So true, isn't it? When we are afraid of something, we shrink back. Hide. We stick to the tried and true, which over time becomes the boring and predictable. And we slowly, bit by bit, disappear.

As I've worked through some of my feelings around moving back to Oregon, photography, creative inspiration and blogging, I've realized I've been afraid. Afraid I wouldn't find photographic inspiration. Afraid I would lose my stream of creative ideas. Afraid I wouldn't have anything interesting to write or show. Afraid I would lose my blog readers.

So today as I debated on whether or not to post another crab pot photo, as I heard in my head, "Who would want to see another photo of crab pots," this song reminded me to just get over my silly fears and get on with it. Do what I love, write and share what interests me, as I always have. When did I get so careful? Why is this so hard? I seem to have to re-learn this concept over and over again.


"Afraid... we fade. We fade out." 

When a Plan Comes Together

Cheerful flowers and colorful paint make me smile!
Carbondale, Colorado

Guess what today is? Monday, yes. The middle of August, that too. It's also the day I link in to Creative Every Day and the Creative Exchange. But it's even bigger than that: Today is the first day of my part time work schedule. Woohoo!!

Last week everything was finalized and agreed, and as of today I will be working at my "day job" Monday through Friday ~11am to 5pm-ish. I am so excited. I have been working toward this change for a very long time.

For those of you who may be new around here, I fell in love with having my mornings as my personal time while in Italy. My work schedule was afternoons and evenings, due to the need to work with both the Italian and US folks on a daily basis, which left my personal time as the mornings. Some time ago, as part of a series called Lessons from Abroad, I wrote about how changing my schedule this way led to some great realizations for my creativity. Mornings are my creative time.

When I finalized my schedule and transition date with my new manager last week, I realized how long in coming this transition really was. It was almost a year ago, last October, when I first started talking to my former manager about going part time on my return to the US. It was before that, while writing the Lessons from Abroad series for Jenny Shih's newsletter and blog, that I identified the schedule change and aligning to my creative energy cycle as a key factor in my personal transformation. And it was part of writing the specific article, Change up Your Schedule, that I really started to think about how I could maintain my "mornings free" schedule upon my return.

So, over the last year I've been having periodic conversations with my husband, my management at work, and myself about how this could work. I've played with different schedule ideas, "trying them on" in my imagination to see what would fit for me personally and at work. The Monday-Friday/11-5 schedule is the one I settled on recently, and when I proposed it last week it was a win-win for everyone. My new manager likes that I will be there every day instead of taking a day off; I like that I have 5 more mornings a week for myself. Can't beat that.

This is a great example of how long it can sometimes take an idea to come to fruition. The idea of part time/ mornings free was a seed planted a year ago. Nurtured, the seed grew into a plan that I took small steps on over time. It is a good reminder that if you stick with an idea, turn it into a plan and take baby steps toward it along the way, you can make it work. Things may not happen immediately, but with action, things do happen. Without action, it's just daydreaming. Yes, I was nervous when I first started talking about part time at work. Yes, I was nervous to have the conversation on my schedule last week. But all of my groundwork and planning and patience paid off, and here I am this Monday morning, free.

What will I create today?

The Reality of the Situation

A group of colorful bike racks in a Carbondale, Colorado city parking lot.

I'm back in Oregon this week. I don't just mean back from vacation, I mean as of this week, I'm really here, back from Italy too. This is the first week where the reality of our situation - living here permanently again - has really sunk in. A few people have mentioned to me that things seem to be going pretty well with our return. It's true, they have been going surprisingly well. The adjustment has been much easier than anticipated in many ways. But I don't think it was until this week that "reality" hit.

Here are a few things I've noticed this week:

Travel. For the first time in two and a half years, I don't have a vacation coming up in the next couple of months.  No visits to new countries on the horizon, no next trip in the works. Just a stretch of several months with no vacation time left at work and no firm plans yet for future travel. It is odd. I found myself hurrying at work to get something done before I left for... nowhere. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I've gotten used to working to that next deadline of time off. Even moving back, I had three weeks here and then we left again to visit Colorado.  It's not bad, it's just different and something I need to get used to. This reminds me I need to get some plans on the calendar, if only for some weekend excursions. I love to travel too much!

Transport. We are down to one vehicle, living in a place where we've always had two. When we moved to Italy, we sold our car and had a friend keep our truck. We had always planned on buying another car when we returned, but several months ago I started wondering if we needed to. We had been living in Italy with one car, I could ride my bike to work (I used to commute by bike all the time), and our town is small enough to easily get around. Between bike, bus and scooter I figured we could get by. After returning home from Italy, we had a rental car for several weeks, which was returned the day before we left for Colorado. This week is the first week we are truly living with one vehicle. It's a different feeling to bike to work because I have to rather than because I want to. It's different to ask if a friend can drive because I don't have a car. Not bad, just a little uncomfortable at the moment. Not to mention that I have discovered that my body is not in the best shape to go from riding zero miles to 60 miles (6 mile commute each way) in a week. I couldn't quite make it through the week, I caught a ride on Wednesday to give my legs a break.

Finances. We've gone from a completely unique financial mindset in Italy (two years = no regrets), to a temporary mindset moving home (get our lives set up ASAP), to me starting a part time schedule next week. Back to reality, and getting ourselves on a long-term budget once again. We didn't go hog-wild while on our assignment, but the "no regrets" mentality did change our handling of money. That can't stay in place forever without serious consequences. I tend toward being financially conservative so my budget-minded, practical side keeps me in line, but my impulsive, emotional side is feeling the tension of restraint. Working part time is nothing new and living on a budget is nothing new... It's just like the bike though, we're out of shape and it's a little uncomfortable at the moment.

So there you have it in a nutsell: Reality has set in. When first moving back, it was all about the physical changes that come with location. Now I'm feeling real changes that make me internally uncomfortable. I know I'll get used to this new reality, but that doesn't eliminate the discomfort of changing habits. It only makes it manageable.

How Things Stack Up

I was working with the photos from my last trip to Venice earlier this week, and came across this image of GROM gelato cups. Not only is it a great repeating pattern in a couple of different ways, it's a reminder of some of the best gelato in Italy. GROM is a chain, but has very consistent high quality. If you visit Italy and see one of these gelaterias, duck in and try it. My favorite flavors are in-season fruit gelatos, such as apricot and melon. Eating this gelato is like eating the best, ripest, most perfectly tasting fruit you've ever had. I don't know how they do it!

As I was looking at this photo, I was thinking about my transition back. Do I miss gelato? Not so much. I didn't eat it all of the time. I've found that I really miss good parmigiano reggiano cheese, and we had to search for a source of good balsamic vinegar here. The stuff we first bought at the grocery store was horrid, even though it was labeled with the official "Balsamic Vinegar of Modena." We think they send the worst stuff to the US since we don't know any better. If you've never had it, really good balsamic vinegar is one of the most wonderful flavors. Find yourself a specialty store that imports the good stuff, and try it.

All in all though, the move back has been much easier than I expected. I'm very happy to be back. I think I was worried, by coming back to the same place, I would be coming back to being the person I was two years ago, slipping into the old routines and ways of thinking. It seems silly now, but all of the changes and discoveries and learnings I've had are still with me. Of course they are! The only thing I'm doing is learning how to adjust my schedules and balance my time with different demands. But the core of who I am, and how I work creatively, is the same as in Italy.

In a couple of months, when I haven't travelled to another country in a while, I might feel differently. I did have an overwhelming feeling of strong emotion, maybe yearning, at one point when I was working with my pictures from Venice. We'll see how that goes.

All in all though, I'm glad to be home.

PS - It's the last day to register for the July session of Find Your Eye: Starting the Journey. Class starts on Sunday!

New Schedules + Favorites: Covered Parking

Covered Parking

Amsterdam, The Netherlands, 2009

I only have three more days of "favorite" pictures left on the schedule and then I've got to get myself back onto the regular blogging bandwagon. You can probably tell I've scheduled these posts on Italy time and then I'm writing them as I can. For some reason, I'm reluctant to change my blog back to Pacific Standard Time. I know, I'll get over it. It will be too confusing not to change it.

So what will my blogging schedule be? The same as Italy, where I write in the morning? Do I change it up to write at night? Do I write whenever and schedule? How is it all going to work out? To top it all off I'm going part time at work (yay!!) but not immediately, so that means it will be a while before things settle out.

I was chatting with a friend at work today about my work schedule and said, "It's fun to figure it all out!" I honestly didn't know where that comment came from. I mean, it doesn't feel very fun right now. I'm a bit overwhelmed and tired. And then I stopped and realized, my statement was totally true. When I stop focusing on my tired/overwhelm of the moment, I am excited to figure it all out. Even though I don't have a routine right now (and I looooove routine), I have the possibility of figuring out something new. I have the possibility to combine some of the best parts of my Italy schedule with my Corvallis schedule and see what happens. 

Add ingredients, shake well, taste. Stay tuned to see how it comes out!

It's Open! + Favorites: Tiny Pieces of Bliss

Tiny Pieces of Bliss
Barcelona, Spain, 2010

Today is one of my all time favorite images. A favorite favorite, if you will. With this happy image I also have the happy announcement that registration is OPEN for the July-August Find Your Eye series of classes!  Woohoo! You can find the course details and register here. If you have any problems with registration please let me know ASAP, since I'm still working out the bugs with this new system. I already had a couple of issues after my initial announcement to newsletter subscribers, but I think they are fixed. Now I know why stores do "soft openings" before the official opening. :)

Wow, has this been a crazy week. I can't believe I've been in the US a week already, time is already flying and I'm exhausted. You know when you put together a plan on paper, and it all sounds good, but executing the plan is so much harder than you envisioned when you wrote it all out? Yeah, that's where I am right now.

For some reason, all of my energy was focused was on the "leaving Italy" part of the plan and I didn't quite expect the "arriving in Oregon" part of the plan to be as much work as it has been. I think maybe I underestimated because it's so much easier to get things done in the US as compared to Italy. Things are more efficient here, I speak the language and know how and who to call. Since we are coming back to the same place we've lived before, it all seems like it should be ready and waiting. But the boxes still need to be unpacked, trash service set up, addresses changed... you get the picture. The list is a mile long.

Even with all of the millions of details that still need to be done, we are now in our house and sleeping in our beds. We are cooking at home and don't have to eat out anymore. Stevie the cat is doing well and seems to be adjusting without incident, much better than when we moved to Italy. All in all, things are good.

If you ask me how I feel about being back in the US though, I couldn't even begin to answer you right now. I've been too busy to feel anything. In a couple of weeks or a month, I'll probably have more to say on that topic. For now, it's back to that mile-long list.

Letter from Carola

Returning from Taiwan

Almost 30 years ago, in 1983, I was fortunate enough to live in Taiwan. I was half way through my program of Chinese Studies at the University of Tübingen in Germany and thought it was time to experience the Chinese world by myself.

In 1983, Taiwan was still closer to being a developing country than a developed one. It struggled for political recognition next to its “big brother”, the People’s Republic of China, or “mainland China” as it was called in Taiwan.

For a 23-year old German girl, who had been to many European countries, arrival in Taiwan was a culture shock. At the same time it was an exciting adventure. New impressions, misunderstandings, exotic food to taste, new sounds and scents, snakes, dirt, dust, heat and high humidity and the ever present awareness of being a foreigner – you stand out as a “long nose” among the Chinese.

So when I returned to Germany shortly before Christmas on the height of consumerism, I was eager to tell my stories, to share my experience – and to my utter surprise I had a hard time to find the right words.

What do you answer to “How was it?” Fascinating? Interesting? Horrible? Sometimes downright heartbreaking? Well, imagine doing your laundry on a wooden washboard in cold water. No washing machine. No refrigerator either, for that matter. Was there even a Chinese word for dishwasher at that time? Blank faces were the answer, sometimes un-derlined by an “Oh my God”. Other people – those who KNOW EVERYTHING BET-TER – explained to me that Taiwan was not the “real China” – that was the People’s Re-public of China. What do you say in the face of so much ignorance?

The hardest part to tell and find even a hint of understanding in a country with excellent healthcare for everybody, was talking about the sick people. I had spent a lot of time with people suffering from leprosy, enjoying their company, sharing their laughter, feeling touched by their honesty and generosity. Only once after my return did I meet someone who had spent a year in a developing country and asked the right question, “What left the biggest impression on you?” Answer: an orphanage next to a Catholic church. A big room full of cribs with babies and toddlers. It was so crowded that often two kids had to share a bed. All of them were physically or mentally disabled, left on the steps of the or-phanage. Unwanted children. It was heartbreaking. It still haunts me.

Upon returning to rich Germany, it was hard for me to see the abundance here, especially when food was thrown away. Coming back to your own country can be a challenge. You are not the same person you were when you left. Your horizon has expanded; you were immersed in a different culture. You know that your country’s way of life is not the only one, and, far more important, not the only right one or superior one. Coming back to “my world” was almost as challenging as going away. The transition, however, didn’t take such a long time.

[Today's letter is from Carola, author of the blog carola bARTz. She is currently living the ex-pat life again, this time in California. You can see all "Letters to Kat" posts here.]

Arrived! + Favorites: Island of Stone

Island of Stone

Civita di Bagnoregno, Italy, 2010

We've made it! Whew. It was quite the sprint there at the end to get ourselves, luggage and cat here. I was getting quite nervous at the airport before we left when the airline check-in agent had to consult her "official rule book" to see if she could accept our cat's health certificate from the vet in Italian instead of English. Luckily, the rules were only explicit about certificates for dogs being in English and so our cat was approved to fly with us. What a relief. 

We had a short connection in Amsterdam and our flight was late out of Italy, but we made that too. The only thing that didn't make it on the plane with us was one suitcase and my husband's bicycle, which came on a later flight and were delivered to the hotel later. One more thing down. 

We got into our house Friday to see the state of things. After being rented for two years, you wonder about how it will look. The house looks great overall and the new floors we had installed look nice. We picked the flooring on the internet, so we wondered about how that would turn out too!

Not only that, it was fun to see the piles of mail for the Liberate Your Art postcard swap - yay! There are already a lot of envelopes and more to come. Some of the envelopes are beautifully decorated, which is awesome! I didn't expect that but it is a lovely touch. I will take some pictures to share with you in a future blog post.

A few other random notes in my head this morning (way too early, for the time zone I'm in, by the way):

• Superhero Summer Camp is open! You can see all of the details and sign up here.
• Exploring with a Camera: Thresholds is still going on, if you want to join in.
• I'm going to be giving away a couple of Find Your Eye registrations, but you have to be a newsletter subscriber to be eligible! Sign up for the newsletter if you haven't already.
• Thanks so much for all of your votes on my portfolio in the  One Life 2011 photography contest! It's fun to see the numbers go up. I really appreciate your support. I think you can continue voting once per day through July 29, if you are so inclined. (I can barely remember to go vote for myself, so I certainly don't expect you to go vote for me that often.)
• I have another Letter to Kat to post tomorrow. Are you enjoying these? I am so appreciative of the advice that has been shared by these wonderful women. If you have advice for me on repatriating after living abroad, I welcome it! You can email me personally with your note or to provide a blog post for the series.
• There is a new site that just launched, Seek Your Course, that is there to help connect the creative community with classes available online and at retreats. I'm so excited about this site because it's a great idea to connect people who love to take these amazing creative courses with people who love to teach them. In fact, I like it so much you'll see me there as a sponsor on the sidebar! 

I just wanted to stop in and say hi and that we are here! This will be another crazy week for us as we get moved into our house and start restocking and unpacking, so I'll pop in here and write when I can. 

Happy 4th of July tomorrow to all of my American friends!

Letter from Gina

Why Can’t You Go Home Again?

"You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory." Thomas Wolfe

Living in an unfamiliar place with different smells, tastes, and rhythms can be a jarring experience. Dislocated is a good term for what I was experiencing in my new environment --except I was in my hometown, feeling like a stranger. My family had just returned from a nine month stay in Barcelona, Spain, where our daughters attended public school and my husband did a research project at the University. We fell in love with Barcelona with all its beauty, culture, and bakeries.

I was unprepared for the reverse culture shock that I felt when we returned to our home in Sacramento. This was more than a post-travel funk. Things back at home were both bigger and smaller, brighter and duller. It was a little like being Alice in Wonderland, never knowing what to expect. I was missing the siestas and leisurely lunches with the whole family. Now our family life became more fragmented and hectic, as we moved back into our jobs and schools.

Friends welcomed us back, of course, but only a few seemed interested in hearing many details of our adventures in Spain. Just as we had changed and grown in our time away, our friends had too. We had to find new common ground. Some friendships withered away, others grew stronger. After a few stressful months, I gradually found my new groove – and a new me that included Barcelona as one of my homes.

Kat, I wish you an easy transition back to the U.S – your self awareness and maturity should make for a smooth re-entry!

[Today's letter is from Gina, author of the blog Here and Now. She now lives in Sacramento, California. You can see all "Letters to Kat" posts here.]

Letter from Marji

Photo by Rain City Girl

On Repatriating

I remember how I felt when I settled into my seat on the non-stop from Vancouver, BC to Beijing – utterly exhausted but at the same time totally exhilarated. My husband and I toasted each other with a glass of complimentary champagne – we were on to a new chapter. We were headed for our third overseas assignment, back to Asia for the second time. Our two dogs were safe in their crates in the cargo section of the plane and we were headed for a new adventure. We landed on my 40th birthday.

Living in Beijing was a remarkable experience. We were there during the SARS epidemic and the ramp up to the upcoming Olympics. The people, the lifestyle, the cultural differences and the language were my teachers for the two+ years we were there. We settled in, made friends, travelled and became comfortable… then opportunity rang. A call came to return home. It was time to return, to repatriate back to sleepy Spokane, WA.

I was sad. I didn’t want to leave. Life was fun, exciting and interesting. We had met wonderful friends from all over the world. It was sad to repatriate again. Leaving a life where every day was an adventure and returning to a sleepy town just didn’t seem appealing. I loved living the life where I felt special and each day held some new exciting experience for me. Travel to exotic places was at our fingertips, fabulous shopping at our doorstep and incredible foods on our table. What were we returning to? Back to what? Back to the same old place – the place we thought we were leaving forever.

When I was away, I had forgotten the great comfort of returning home. It was like slipping on that old pair of worn in shoes - the comfortable ones from the back of the closet – the pair I had not worn for a while. I knew my way around. I could understand the conversations around me. I could read the newspaper. I could be understood. There was so much that I took for granted. After returning from living overseas, once again, I gained a new appreciation for these simple things that make home comfortable. It’s easy to overlook these daily pleasures. Maybe life wasn’t as exciting and the smells, foods, people and culture were the same as they had been for my lifetime – but our old friends were closer, our families and things were familiar. Enjoy the familiar – its nice.

There are some lesser things to repatriating, too. It’s not easy for everyone. The shock of returning home doesn’t seem to hit until after the boxes are unpacked. A few months down the road you realize that life isn’t quite as exciting and special as it seemed when living the expat life. New friends don’t come as easily as they do in the expat circle. No one really cares or wants to hear about the adventures you had. They don’t really want to see photos nor hear your stories. It’s not that they don’t care about you – but they really can’t relate to your experiences. Your perspective is worldlier and you long for World news. You’ve been to places and experienced things that most people never have the opportunity to do in a lifetime. It’s hard to grasp that seeing the world and actually living in a different country really changes you – immensely and forever.

My advice – enjoy where you are now in life. Live in the moment and bloom where you are planted. Find the excitement and joy of what we take for granted each day. You will hold the memories of a special time in your life and carry them in your heart forever. The beautiful photographs and treasures you came home with will be the reminders of that enchanting chapter in your life.

I wish I had sage wisdom and a step by step guide to repatriation. For you, Kat, it will be easier because you are stepping back into your work. For your husband and your son, it may be different. For me, I loved China so much that I started an import business in order to keep my ties to a place I loved. I kept up my language classes so I would not forget what I had learned. To this day, I continue to keep in touch with my China friends. I have found ways to keep a tie to a place that I love for as long as I need. You will find that over time you will move forward and settle in comfortably, no matter where you are in the world. Where you have been will always hold a special place in your heart.

I always look at my life in terms of chapters in a book. Each one unfolds itself as I move through my life’s journey. For me, the end of one chapter and the start of another are exciting and joyful. They build upon each other and the story gets richer and deeper. I am always anxious to read on and find out what’s next. I hope you and your family feel this way too.

I wish you the best with settling in to your newest and most exciting chapter yet.

[Today's letter is from Marji, aka Rain City Girl on Flickr and the author of the blog Sun Breaks in the Forecast. She now lives in Seattle, WA. You can see all "Letters to Kat" posts here.]

Letter from Jamie

Watching Kat as she's been packing up and moving home, has brought back a slew of memories for me.  When Kat asked if I would share a bit of my experience as an expat and then returning home, it was the perfect excuse to organize some of the thoughts buzzing around in my head.  

A little background: I spent 2 years living and working in Rio de Janeiro, followed by 2 years in New Delhi. I was then able to eased my way home with a 10 month stop in Kentucky before making it all the way home to Salt Lake City late last year - but my stop at home is temporary.  I know I'm headed abroad again - I just don't know when or where yet.  It's a very good thing I actually enjoy a bit of ambiguity in my life! 

My move home brought a wide range of emotions:  joy at being closer to my family and loved ones, a sense of relief that I didn’t have to worry about language or cultural differences, melancholy at leaving behind new friends, and sadness at missing out on the daily adventures of life abroad.  But more than anything my move home taught me just how much living abroad had changed me.

Some are little changes.  When I read the news instead of looking at US news first, I now look at global news.  Before I left I was living in Seattle where I tended to dress in dark monotone colors, after my time in Brazil and especially India I find myself gravitating to brightly colored clothing and I haven’t bought anything made of fleece in years.   My views on immigration have softened, having been the person who went into another country to take a job and who struggled (and failed) to learn a new language; I’m much more sympathetic to what immigrants go through.  I also now have a network of friends around the world – which means the odds of finding a couch to sleep on when I travel is much greater.

Some changes are bigger and truly life changing.  I’ve always been fiercely independent and hated asking for help.  I quickly learned that I needed help to survive in these countries, and I learned to ask for and receive help graciously. The biggest change is my self confidence.  If I can move to a foreign country, where I don’t speak the language, in a new job for a new company on my own, with two weeks’ notice and not only survive, but thrive, I know I can do anything.  The power of that life lesson will never leave me.

My time back at home has also taught me a few things.  Life didn't stop for my friends and family while I was gone - they've grown and changed too - which means I've had to reset a few expectations.   The level of customer service in the US really can't be touched.  But most importantly, I've learned that my expanded capacity for daily challenges and growth opportunities must be fed.  I find that if I don't deliberately set goals to keep me moving forward I struggle emotionally.  

After time abroad, you adapt to living a life full of small daily challenges: picking something to eat off a menu you can't read, figuring out how to get hooked up to the internet, finding someone to cut your hair who speaks your language.  To suddenly have a life without those challenges left me feeling a bit lost.  The best solution I've found is to keep striving to learn new things and to find adventures that challenge me at home.

I'm sure Kat will love being home again, and she'll find many new adventures as she adapts back into life in Portland.  For those of you dreaming of life abroad - I say go for it.  Nothing in my life has been as challenging or rewarding as experiencing life in another culture.

[Today's letter is from Jamie, author of the blog Lyrical Journey. She now lives in Salt Lake City, Utah. You can see all "Letters to Kat" posts here.]

Letter from Amy + Favorites: Primarily Color

Primarily Color

Burano, Italy, 2010

In addition to posting some favorite images as I move from Italy to the US, I'm also posting some letters from friends. These friends are former ex-pats, who have lived abroad and moved home. I've asked them to write a "letter" to me, telling me about their experience returning home to give me an idea of what I'm headed for. I thought you might also like to hear the experience of returning ex-pats. Who knows, it just might help you relate if you ever have family or friends returning from living abroad.

This first letter is from Amy Peyton, a friend in Oregon. I first met her a few years ago through a mutual friend, as she returned from her most recent experience living abroad. I look forward to seeing her again, very soon!

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Home:  The World (but fairly happy for the time being in Forest Grove, Oregon)

Expat-dom: 4 years in Japan, 1 year in Romania, 1 year in France, 6 months each in Korea/Australia, 4 months in South Africa

Country Count: 44 (Top 3: Croatia, Slovenia, Japan)

Hey KatJ.  I’m not a blogger, but I’m a fairly talented rambler, so here goes.

Ugh, coming home.  Coming home from overseas bites.  It reminds me of the “Sludge Test” in high school when the H.S. chemistry teacher would give you this black, oily, hairy blob and then (through a series of tests you’ve studied all term), you would come up with all 17 ingredients (motor oil, bubble bath, sand, etc.) .  “Reverse culture shock” has all these hidden emotions that eventually burble up to the surface….

When I’ve come home from long sojourns overseas, I feel ___.  No, it’s not frustration.  It’s not hatred (although I have felt that a fair bit in the past).  It’s not exactly shame (but I have felt that, too).  It’s like someone made you swallow a bubble and that bubble is pumped up inside of you, right up under your skin.  And the littlest things just make you want to explode sometimes from the inside out: consumerism, materialism, indulgence, grandiosity (the SIZES of everything), superficiality, political ignorance, geographical stupidity (Australia versus Austria, among others), etc. etc.  When you mix all of this with homesickness, wistfulness, and desire to be “anywhere but here,” it’s pretty heady stuff.  At least it was for me.

One breakdown I had in particular was when I returned to the States from Japan.  My friend dropped me off at Safeway to grab some shampoo while he waited outside in the car.  After 20 or so minutes, I emerged, with nothing in hand, except tears and (probably) snot from a fairly colossal meltdown in the shampoo aisle.  SO many kinds, sizes, flavors, colors…do I have oily hair?Normal?Dry?Blended?Colored treated?Curly?Straight?Flyaway?Small bottle?Big bottle?With attached conditioning pack?Without attached conditioning pack?Hairmasque?Dandruffcontrol?  In my neighborhood store in Fukuoka, Japan, there were maybe 6-7 choices, none of which I could read anyway, so who cared?  In Romania, I bought whatever was *there*.   So, in this situation, the balloon was pumped up and all it took was a choice between PertorSuaveorHeadandShouldersorAussieorTresSemmeorPaulMitchellorInsfusiumorPantene orNexxusorVidalSassoonorWhiteRainorSt.IvesorVo5 to set it off.

It’s also a challenge to be one of the only people you know who travel.  People asked me all the time:  “So how was it?  Did you have fun?”  And my mouth would slightly hang open, and I would be thinking: “Ummm, yeah. I was in the middle of South Africa where nobody had apparently gotten the news that Mandela had been elected and the townships still had curfews and black taxis/white taxis.  *Yeah, I had fun*.”  It chokes you up when this magnanimous experience you’ve just had is whittled down to a couple of polite sentences to a disinterested few.  Your family and true friends will save you—the ones that really want to know how you drank tuica and played Uno with school principals and how the Japanese customs officials bowed and excused themselves out of the room when they discovered your trove of feminine products.  (Ha!!)  When you return home from overseas, those who really know and love you will envelope you like a blanketJ. 

And this especially includes Patrick and Brandon—what a gift to be able to give each other “reverse culture shock” therapy at a moment’s notice.  I did 99% of my traveling/living overseas by myself, so maybe these words are streaked with a bit more spit and fire than most people, who knows.

I did manage to find solace….  I talked with other expats, joined language conversation groups, and made new friends with people who had the same obsessions.  I planned my next overseas trip almost as soon as the plane skidded along the tarmac.  When I got homesick for Japan, I went to Uwajimaya and ate Udon, when I was homesick for Romania, I sang to my Romanian rock CDs and made ciorba while making care packages for those I left behind.  I kept busy with work.  I had purpose and a whole list of plans. 

So, there are my two cents.  Just get together with lots of friends and lean on your familyJ.

I’ll be thinking of you,

Amy